In the words of the immortal bard,
Oft have I heard that grief softens the mind,In modern English, seek revenge.
And makes it fearful and degenerate;
Think therefore on revenge and cease to weep.
I once had a co-worker describe me as the girl with short hair and repressed anger. The hair comment was a low blow because I am rather jealous of women who can grow their hair long because I get split ends past my shoulders. I kicked him in the balls, knocked him down onto a coffee table, and then crunched his balls for a second opinion. He changed his mind about that repressed anger thing.
But he did have a point. Dating me is like trying to give a wolverine a bath. I'm feisty, temperamental, childish, terretorial, and I will turn on you at the drop of a hat if I think you're screwing me over.
Why then would you want to date me? Other than the facts that I am really, really good looking and fuck like a muppet drummer (which is really all men care about), I firmly believe in the gift of freedom and respect to the men I date. They have the right to tend to their own lives and make their own choices and I'm not interested in getting involved in someone else's daily angst. Live your own life. Save yourself.
But this gift isn't unconditional. All I expect in return is that people clean up their lives before getting emotionally involved with me. Bury the memory of your ex-girlfriend. Cure your psychiatric illness. Settle your affairs. I can fit my life into two suitcases: I don't need someone else's baggage.
I've found that people will sacrifice everything to pursue pipedreams or to have their cake and eat her too.
I dated a schizophrenic man. The mentally ill are hardcore examples of social dysfunction that is present in everyone. The mentally ill have impenetrable defense mechanisms where they can act as irresponsibly as they want and never have to make amends because they are sick, clueless as to how much damage they inflict to people stupid enough to love them. I learned how to do a backward bridge like a gymnist putting up with my schizo's problems and when the time came for me to kick him in the balls, he chose to follow the path of his illness rather than put it aside to save our relationship. He left me with nothing but the maudlin culpability of having no one to blame but myself.
When I heard that he had moved on and had began dating someone else, I was furious. My relationship with him cost me my health, my job, and my apartment, and as much as I knew he would simply inflict the same scars on to his new victim, there was an insecure part of me that laid awake painfully wondering if perhaps I was the problem. What if he does find happiness with someone else?
And then I remembered more words from that immortal bard:
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action.
A person in love doesn't have to qualify that feeling. Neither does a person who contemplates revenge. There is nothing to think about and thinking about the moral implications of revenge becomes a Catch-22 moral trap, sacrificing yourself as a sad mind and fearful degenerate to remain honorable to someone who betrayed you. There is nothing to do but seek revenge and damn yourself, if need be.
My bold schizo boy, in the words of the Frankenstein monster, I will be with you on your wedding night, when the padre proclaims, "speak now or forever hold your peace," I will be standing in the aisle with a taser and hard copies of your dirty secrets. Ah, not just in the movies.
Anything to an extreme is unhealthy but not necessarily the thing in itself. Love can be just as disastrous as revenge if handled badly. 'Tis not the revenge but the mind that enacts it.
A proper revenge is the ultimate high, higher than absinthe and opera, higher than a flapjack and a cigarette at a mom and pop diner three o'clock am in the rain.
I came across a website that was against getting even with your ex. Let me go over what this tofu-sucker had to say because his website looked like something shat out by an automatic writing html program with no common sense or genitalia:
You might regret it in the end. I doubt it. That's what cognitive dissonance is for. Part of revenge is pursuing necessary closure and compensation. You're not seeking revenge out of spite but rather to settle affairs. Is it so wrong to seek compensation? Is it right to deny someone closure or compensation?
You are only prolonging your agony and hurting yourself. I kind of agree with this statement because hanging around in the memorial of an old relationship only continuously stirs up bad feelings. I've had this happen where for maybe a couple years after a bad relationship ended, I kept having to damage control the fallout of that relationship and it stirred up all the old pains. When I finally refocused my mindset from mourning to revenge, I finally smiled again. It gave me a goal in life.
You have other outlets to get over your ex. Like what? Sublimation? Isn't sublimation a psychological term for not getting what you want? It's still a defense mechanism. Stop sublimating and get what you want. To thine own self be true, even if you're a total psycho like I am.
Move on with your life. Wow! That's good advice! Why didn't I think of that? That is such an abusive thing to say to people: "get over it." Obviously something is preventing people from getting over it. Say it, Shakespeare:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them?
Donald Trump states in his autobiography that when we suffer outrageous misfortunes, that a strong person will recover rather than sulk and whine. I agree. Trump also says to hold a grudge against those people who caused your misfortune and screw them over the minute you can. It's a necessary statement. Why is revenge necessarily contra to moving on? Revenge is moving on.
You’ll end up making yourself look bad. One might argue that the person who jilted you made you look bad already and you are honorbound to save face. Remember the Trojan War: Menelaus had to destroy Troy because the Trojans made him look like a fool and threatened to dethrone his seat of power. You may think, "I don't care what other people think about me": so, you're okay with them laughing at you behind your back? If you don't care what they think about you then why should that stall your revenge? Besides, revenge is best kept anonymous.
Why should you want to get even with a loser in the first place? Good point. Who's the real loser: my schizo boy or me for dating him? I take pleasure in knowing that my ex's will more than likely ruin their future relationships like they did mine with theirs, but every so often I catch word of an ex who is achieving some success. One of my ex's just got into a PhD program and posted pictures of him and his new girlfriend linked to his professional website. That's enough of that. Some people need a good shot-down to remind them that they're not acting right.
Forgive and forget. I forgive people easily. Anyone who apologizes will get my forgiveness. But pardon me, doesn't an apology mean that you'll stop what you're apologizing for? Many apologies are hollow and people return back to their original behavior as soon as the coast is clear. My schizo boy had an acute attack on me and I left. When he came back and apologized and explained the situation, I gave him a second chance. A month later I had to kick him in the balls because he was still schizing out and stubbornly refusing to acknowledge it. He left. How sorry was he? When I was in the 12th grade, my boyfriend brutally broke up with me so I set his and his twin brother's lockers on fire (his brother was an accident -- I couldn't tell them apart and burned the wrong locker) and then told him I'd keep going until he apologized. That may sound scary but everyone who knew what was going on gave me a round of applause because they knew the fucker deserved it from more than me. He apologized. I knew he was sorry because I made him sorry.
On Granola World, hearts never get broken. People never cry. Cowboys never cheat on you with other men. All relationships end on peaceful terms with a sense of closure. Here in the real world, relationships end not with common courtesy but simply end however they might fall. Don't you think that you should get closure and compensation from those who have hurt you? When is that going to happen? We have to live in the world as it is rather than the world as it should of be. What's the difference between lack of closure and revenge? Both are wrong. Both happen.
If you are planning your revenge, here are some guidelines:
1. Make your revenge a goal in life, not your life. The best revenge is to move on with your life and be succesful. There will always be insecurity in revenge and make sure that getting even isn't about sating wrathful intentions but about settling your affairs. You might spend a lifetime waiting for a single moment of revenge that will never come. Don't waste your life. Make your revenge a business plan and leave your work at the office.
2. Take a chill pill and take your time. Never seek revenge in a moment of fury. Plan with clarity and detail. Crimes of passions always have bad results. You need to be methodical and enjoy the pleasure of bad thoughts. Give your ex time to forget about you. Give him time to relax. People also gain more assets (to lose) as they grow older; a mortgage, a business, and a marriage. My ex cost me a relationship, my job, and my apartment. I'll gladly wait ten years to return the favor with interest.
3. Keep your anonymity. Why risk retaliation for the pleasant thought of them knowing it's you? It's actually much more staisfying when they don't know. I believe it's called dramatic irony.
4. Keep an eye on your ex. With Google and Facebook and MySpace, there are so many ways of keeping an eye of your ex, most of them creepy, but hey, what can I say? Keep track of what your ex is doing. The more you know, the more opportunities will show up for getting even. My one ex plays guitar at a local cafe. I wonder how well he'd perform if I were to suddenly show up in the audience. Anyone care to join me for some green tea?
5. Plan your battles. Don't go for a flesh wound when you can go for the kill. When I heard one of my ex's was dating again, I was fuming mad. I thought about stepping in and ending that silliness, but I took a step back and am going to wait until the wedding announcement, when it may come. As part of this idea, learn to enact small revenges at the most inopportune time, particularly when people are under high stress or happy. Birthdays, graduation ceremonies, holidays, the beginning or end of a college semester, etc. These are good times to show off small acts of anonymous revenge to add a little extra stress to your ex's life. Revenge can be like a lever: it only takes a little effort to produce immense results. Next time your ex's birthday comes around, play havoc with half a dozen little shows of anonymous affection and then back off until Thanksgiving.
Here is an awesome website that has everything you need to get even: The Avenger.
Wrap it up for me, immortal bard:
Should he make me
Live, like Diana's priest, betwixt cold sheets,
Whiles he is vaulting variable ramps,
In your despite, upon your purse? Revenge it.
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